Geek Dog #1

When I see Pineapple* trying to get a drink of water looking like this:
All I can think of is this:
Would anybody happen to have a lacy skirted sweatshirt handy? Pineapple could use one and I'm sure Joan Cusack still needs hers from time to time.

* Now affectionately known as Pinecone by Not-So-Baby H, Conehead by Nonami, and Piney by Mr. MFBA

Happy Blogiversary!

Happy 4 years, blog!

Thanks to everyone who reads, skims, drops by from time to time, or quickly realizes that I do not have nude pictures of Catwoman and leaves.

Things I'm pondering this Monday

- Why can't clothes iron themselves? Or at least the people in my house learn to do it without the clothes looking as if a blind man had a go a them.

- Why did a certain company send me a bill postmarked well beyond the due date?

- Why did Butch decide to eat Easter grass? I discovered it when I saw a piece of grass on his butt and went to remove it. A little clue, it was not merely laying on his butt. EEEWWW....

- How does a parent(s) have time to bathe their children every.single.night?

-I am dying for something sweet but am avoiding all things that yummy in an effort to get the medication induced weight off. Will somebody please have a doughnut or piece of cake, or several dozen cookies/brownies for me?

The toilet isn't in your house

Me: Is your Africa map in your backpack?

Teen L: No

Me: Is it in your locker?

Teen L: No

Curiously wondering where else it could be since she no longer has a desk at school.

Me: Then where is your map?

Teen L: In my binder.

Me: And where is your binder?

Teen L: In my locker.

She wasn't even being a smart ass. Bangs head off nearest object, repeatedly.

Show me what you can do

Not-So-Baby H to me:

"If you're so smart, show me what you can do"

She calls it an eating disorder

She*: What do you weigh today?

Me: 129

She: What did you weigh?

Me: 118 -120

118-120 was what I weighed when I started taking Abilify. In less than a month I was at 131.

Me: I had to get out bigger jeans.

She: What size are those jeans?

Me: 3

She: What size are the others?

Me: 1

I say this is irrelevant because I would not have gained the weight if not for the medication.

She: You were awfully thin. People were wondering if you were sick.

Me: I'm short. My weight was well within the healthy range for my height.

She: Your weight is still within a healthy range for your height.

Me: But my bones aren't sticking out like they were; my pants are tight.

Ok, I've got nothing to say here.

She: I would like to increase the Abilify.

Me: Only if I can have a few weeks with an increase in the metformin first.

She: Ok, 2 weeks.

Me: Thanks, I just don't feel comfortable leaving the house this fat.

She: That's your eating disorder talking.

Those are words I have never heard applied to me and I haven't been able to stop thinking about them since. I admit that I obsess** about my weight but I don't exercise, restrict my intake, binge, or purge in any form. A lot of the things I say could certainly be described as fucked in the head but I am having a very difficult time wrapping my mind around medication weight gain unhappiness and an eating disorder.

Maybe I am that delusional?

*She being my psychiatrist

**This gets worse when I am at a lower weight

Easter 2009

Nonami loves chocolate. He also loves to wipe his hands on the chair when his hand gets covered in melted chocolate.
Not-So-Baby H must also start eating right away.
Hunting eggs in the front yard, an annual tradition.
Nonami was having a blast this year. He wisely set out apart from the girls and found many eggs.
Teen L does not want to smile for the camera but she loved it, too.
Not-So-Baby H set out with a bag bigger than herself and did not stop until she was certain every last egg was in someone's (preferably hers) bag.

Is it any wonder she can't find a f*cking thing?

The locker:
The water bottles, food wrappers, and exploded moldy yogurt:

The pile of shit that made it home in a ginormous trash bag:

This is why I feel the need to smack myself repeatedly when discussing school with Teen L.

The importance of hand washing, illustrated

Ax experiment done at the Brownie troop meeting: Rub a pice of apple on your dirty hands, place in a sealed jar. Rub a piece of apple on your clean hands, place in a jar. Wait one week.

The results began overnight; the dirty piece turned brown and by day 3 was moldy. Today was the first time I have had it out of the jar and it is downright soft, mushy, moldy nasty.


This makes me want to wash my hands just thinking about the germs I am leaving behind.

I would like to smack you

Alternate title: A visit to a Brownie Troop

Let me say up front that the Brownies were delightful. This is a rant about the troop's leaders, in list style.

- 2 months beforehand I send an e-mail to a friend/mother of girls in my troop and the Brownie troop asking if she could find out what the younger girls were working on so we could help out if possible.

*crickets*

- a few weeks beforehand, my girls spent a lot of time planning out the meeting since this was their show.

- 10 days beforehand, I e-mail the leader asking about snack, room number, and if there is any specific thing they would like us to work on for our next get together.

- At 11:30 Monday night, I finally receive a reply saying they need to earn a Junior Badge to bridge and could we get that done when we meet on Wednesday.

*I'm beyond pissed*

- However, I know what a big deal "Going Green" is to a Brownie so I spent all day Tuesday throwing out the planned meeting, finding a badge to do, buying and prepping everything needed, and quickly trying to explain to my girls what they would be doing.

- I e-mail the leader to tell her what we have planned. I get a that's wonderful reply.

- My girls were doing the "Let's Get Cooking" badge. Even if you're not a rocket scientist you can probably figure out this involves food.

- We show up, food, blenders, and 90 jillion other things. One girl pipes up, "I'm allergic to nuts", another says, "I'm allergic to strawberries"

*Really want to smack this woman*

- She knew we were cooking and she failed to mention allergies?!? How does a responsible adult and GS leader not mention food allergies when doing a food badge????

Of course the kicker came when she found out that Junior Badge activities are more involved than Brownie ones (duh!) and said, "Well, we don't really have to do all of that because it's not like they check". Her assistant leader concurred. I do the bare minimum but really cheating for GS badges. How is that helping the girls in any way shape, or form?

Or maybe the kicker was when, with a look of disgust, she tried to dissuade me from letting my girls work with the homeless for the Silver Award?

Since I can't be implicated would any of you like to sneak over and smack the bitch?

Got recipe?

I am looking for a recipe to use at my troop's next Brownie meeting. My girls are working with a 3rd grade troop.

What I would like:

- preferably a dessert or sweet

- no cook

- no refrigeration (If it needs refrigerated prior to the meeting or can be set up/chilled in a cooler that is fine)

- healthy or sort of healthy

- no nuts

- no strawberries (they can be used if they can easily be omitted for one girl)

- 30 minutes

I will be doing the prep work at home, as much as can be done, and can take any tools needed to the school.

Please, let me know if you have anything!

I've got nothing

Seriously, I've got nothing today. It's cold, rainy, and Monday.

What's going on with you?

A big round of applause for Iowa!

I would have never thought that I would see this headline:

Iowa Legalizes Same-Sex Marriage

before seeing it printed about many other states first.

Going in the nose

None of my children ever stuck things in their nose. I always wondered why children did this and was happy that I was not having to extract things from my children's noses. Now, after almost 3 years of life Nonami has decided to stick objects in his nose.

First, it was a bead. A round bead with a hole for stringing. I tried and tried to get it out but was only able to turn it so that he was breathing out of the hole. After more attempts at freeing the bead it came out after a big sneeze. The whole process was very brief and followed by a talk on not sticking things in one's nose.

A month or so passed and I thought we were in the clear. Ha! Last night he put a Lego in his nose. I tried and tried to remove it without pushing it further up. Nonami cried out in pain. After several minutes I was about to concede that we needed to take him to the hospital for extraction. Then, he sneezed and the Lego came flying out and landed across the room. It was not a block but a Lego frog.

A Lego frog! In his nose! Why, oh why?

F is for

F is for the grade Teen L received in Social Studies.

F is for the word I used repeatedly when talking to her about the other F.

Trying to remain calm but if she has to go to summer school all bets are off as to whether or not I have 3 children by August.

I like to...

...pull up a little bit when I am at a red light just to see if the car behind will do so, too.

Then I laugh to myself.

How 'bout you?