She*: What do you weigh today?
Me: 129
She: What did you weigh?
Me: 118 -120
118-120 was what I weighed when I started taking Abilify. In less than a month I was at 131.
Me: I had to get out bigger jeans.
She: What size are those jeans?
Me: 3
She: What size are the others?
Me: 1
I say this is irrelevant because I would not have gained the weight if not for the medication.
She: You were awfully thin. People were wondering if you were sick.
Me: I'm short. My weight was well within the healthy range for my height.
She: Your weight is still within a healthy range for your height.
Me: But my bones aren't sticking out like they were; my pants are tight.
Ok, I've got nothing to say here.
She: I would like to increase the Abilify.
Me: Only if I can have a few weeks with an increase in the metformin first.
She: Ok, 2 weeks.
Me: Thanks, I just don't feel comfortable leaving the house this fat.
She: That's your eating disorder talking.
Those are words I have never heard applied to me and I haven't been able to stop thinking about them since. I admit that I obsess** about my weight but I don't exercise, restrict my intake, binge, or purge in any form. A lot of the things I say could certainly be described as fucked in the head but I am having a very difficult time wrapping my mind around medication weight gain unhappiness and an eating disorder.
Maybe I am that delusional?
*She being my psychiatrist
**This gets worse when I am at a lower weight
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