Embracing cellulite

It's swimsuit season. I dread shopping for a suit, but Memorial Day weekend starts tomorrow which means it is Mr. S's annual family gathering and I will have to swim. I tried to get away with a suit from last year, but the one-piece is stretched from wearing it while pregnant and the bikini sags in the butt making me look like I'm wearing a wet diaper.

So, I set out yesterday to find a bathing suit to wear. No article of clothing can make me hate my body like a bathing suit, but I was determined to find something that was flattering and didn't look like something my mom would wear. Despite the fact that I have lost all the baby weight, plus an additional 14 pounds, the thought of putting my body into a bathing suit makes me want to hide under a rock proclaiming that I have some rare disease that makes it impossible for me to be in sunlight. The frustration that this causes really bothers me. I hate to get hung up on body issues. I despise the fact that a bathing suit can reduce me to such self-loathing thoughts.

I decided that it was time for a change in my mind-set. I am now refusing to be critical of my cellulite - it's there, it's not going away, and no one notices it as much as I do. Stretch marks? I don't care anymore - I have two beautiful children and they gave me saggy boobs and scars, so be it. Surgery scars? Don't care about those either - now I can eat dairy and not writhe in pain. Linea nigra? Ignoring that too because obviously if it hasn't gone away after 16 months, it probably isn't going to magically vanish.

Amazingly enough, when I decided to embrace my flaws and get over the fact that gravity, time, and childbirth are not always kind I was able to find a suit (a bikini nonetheless) that is flattering, pretty, and, most importantly, I am comfortable wearing. It was a liberating experience to just concede that my body will never look like it did 10 years ago and to be content in the knowledge that I really wouldn't have it any other way. All the flaws are a part of me and my life experiences, so I'm just going to embrace the cellulite and enjoy the sunshine.